How I came back to art

In 2016, 11 years after I graduated from highscool I got pregnant. I have severe endometriosis so we got assisted fertilization and surprisingly, I got pregnant in the first attempt. But in week 10, something got really wrong. I was in such a pain and my boyfriend had to drive me to the hospital. They couldn’t find anything more than low blood values, and my baby was fine but I was in such pain that I almost fainted when I had to move.

After two days when I thought that I was going to die, they finally found what was wrong with me. I was bleeding from the inside. So I was put to sleep and they worked in several hours but because of all the blood, they couldn’t find where the bleeding came from. A specialist were called in from Uppsala. My body was so strained at this time and they had to give me adrenalin several times because of my heart. I lost almost 7 litres of blood during theese days on the hospital, which is about the amount of blood a grownup person have in their body (of course they gave me blood all of this time too, but as you might understand, that’s a huge strain on the Body to loose so much blood). They finally found a rapture of corpus luteum, or the Yellow Body that had caused a severe bleeding from my ovaries and could at last sew me up.

When I woke up, I was exhausted and in so much pain. Some of the nurses cried, I remember. I had hallucinations and felt sad and confused. The day after was the judgement day. How was my baby? No one thought that she would have survived. But there she was,jumping like a little shrimp with perfect heartbeat! It was a miracle, really!

My case was something extremely unusual and no one of the doctors had ever heard of such a severe bleeding from a Yellow Body. I think that the surface of my ovaries is probably very thin after several years of endometrios and operations and maybe that caused the severe bleeding but who am I to say that…

Well, I started my new work after a couple of weeks and slowly came back physically. But after a couple of months I was on sick leave because of depression and anxiety, probably because of post traumatic stress.

When I was home, I started to feel better. And this was when I started to paint and draw again. I sat outside in the fantastic may weather and painted and painted. I made a portrait of my doughter’s cousins and then I just kept on. It was almost like an obsession and it made me feel okay again. Of course I had support from my midwife and a psychologist too during this time but the art became so important for my psychological recovery.

After a long childbirth she finally came out to the world. She was a beautiful, healthy baby. It wasn’t an easy time being a new parent, either but I continued painting when I could. She didn’t sleep very much, though, and when she did, it was about 20 mins in a row so it was a little messy to clean up acrylics with a hungry baby in my arms. I was also really sick about the color shift in acrylics. So I ordered a set of Faber Castell Eco Colored pencils. And from there it just went on…

My doughter is soon turning three years old and I am still drawing and sometimes painting. It has become my main hobby in life and I don’t think that I will ever let it go again!